Day 28? I think April 29, 2008

Monday was one of those days that you wish you stayed in bed.

I was hit so hard by AF, I felt so terrible, sick, bloated, tired, achy, etc. that I actually left work over an hour early to go home and get in my sweats. I’ve never done that. Ever.

But I did go to my weigh in.

I know I had a bad week but FOR CHRIST’S SAKE I gained 3 lbs. ugh. I know it’s the AF weight. But still.

The problem with where I am right now is this….this is the point where I feel a depression coming on. I haven’t lost much because I haven’t been a WW super star. I’m frustrated with work and I am in a big rut money-wise. Plus, I’m getting depressed that we are not selling our condo. This all is making me feel like a big fat loser and I want nothing else but to curl up, sit on the couch and get fatter.

Last night, after the WW meeting, I ate 2 helpings of meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Plus, I had a big piece of crumb cake for dinner. Fuck WW.

I know. I know. Not the right attitude.

This morning. I wrote all of that crap down. Maybe 22 points for dinner alone?!!? I don’t know.

I’ve been up at the crack of dawn and in bed late so I haven’t got up to hit the treadmill since Friday. Work and AF are making me tired – even feeling flu-like. But it hasn’t curbed my eating.

I’m not giving up hope. Don’t worry. I have 25 days left until Memorial Day weekend and I can do this! (why does my math not seem to be adding up?!?!)

And then I have 28 more days after that before the big golf tournament that we see all the lesbians at! I need to be skinnier by then, definitely!

8 weeks April 2, 2008

That’s how much time I have between now and Memorial Day weekend.
That’s how much time I have to get off my excuse wagon and lose 20 lbs.

Yes, I said 20 lbs. In 8 weeks.

The runnersworld.com program that I printed out is for 5 days a week/8 weeks. I bought myself one of these and I am setting my alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning (if I don’t get my butt on the treadmill tonight).

I know it’s already Wed. and I’m not too on track, but I’m not going to wait for next Monday to start.

I haven’t been to a Weight Watchers meeting in 3 months and I am almost embarrassed to show up now, but maybe next Monday. I’ll get back on the meeting wagon too.

I need my girls more than ever now. I know I’ve been really quiet and everyone who I started this with has done so well.

I’m done with the “here we go again” talking without acting.

Seriously, it’s time to take charge of me.

I only have 8 weeks. Dammit.

Here’s a thought. If there is anyone out there who actually reads this…and you want to lose weight too…do you want to do a little competitive thing?? A little challenge?

Let me know. Every day from now until Memorial Day, I will post. I promise. Good or bad.

just mad October 18, 2007

I got weighed in last night at WW (not expecting much) and found that I was just pissed off. I was pissed at myself for being almost exactly where I was on week 9 and now it’s week 20 or 21???? WTF?!?!?!

 I am mad at myself for wasting money on WW when we are in such need of penny pinching. Why is it wasting money?? Because I am not utilitizing it appropriately. I am practicing poor self control and being totally flagrant about my cheating.

I started this to lose 50 lbs. As of yesterday, I am at 18.4. As I said, that is where I was about 12 weeks ago. I’ve let 12 weeks go by within taking control of this.

There are no more excuses. I am doing this now. Back on the week 1 wagon. I’m doing this for my kid, my wife, my health, my self-confidence, my friends and family and for ME! ME! ME!!!

HERE WE GO:

1. I will stay in the WW flex plan and write everything down

2. I will stick to the good health guidelines (water, milk, fruits, veggies)

3. I will dust off that treadmill and start the Couch to 5K program!!

4. I will think before I eat.

5. I will prepare better.

6. I will not let others influence me.

7. I will attend meetings.

8. I will feel better about myself!

another gain August 30, 2007

I shouldn’t be disappointed, because I did go WAY over my extra points for the week. With BBQ ribs fests, baseball games, etc., I SUCKED this week.

As I have said 1,000 times before, when I do it right and try to limit my extra weekly points as much as possible and drink my water, eat my fruits and veggies, etc., I lose weight.

This weekend is tough. Wedding tomorrow night, flea market Saturday, big party on Sunday, I need to stop screwing around!

I gained 1 lb. I’m back to 16.8 lbs. I know this is still ok, because I’ve lost weight since starting, but I also have done nothing for my own cause in 6 weeks!

ugh.

My goal back in June to accomplish by Labor Day weekend was to hit my 10%. Unless I can lose 4 lbs today and tomorrow, uh, it’s not happenin’!

Oh another note. I did buy a plethora of those Fruities things at WW last night. Maybe those can be my little sugar/snacky fix.

I will take longer than others August 22, 2007

Tonight is another meeting. I am in the state of mind right now that I am just pissed at myself.

 I made a goal for myself back in May that I would be at my 10% loss by August 31 - the date of a friend’s wedding. That is 10 days away and I’m pretty sure I’m 5 lbs shy of it.

This week was another bad week where I went over my weekly points and did not hold myself to the willpower I had in the beginning. I kept telling myself that I was doing so well, so I could enjoy myself a little.

Well, I lost 17.4 lbs in like, the first 6 or 7 weeks, then I just came to a stand still. Not like hitting a plateau where I am doing everything right but not losing weight. I hit a plateau because I haven’t been doing everything right, and I still haven’t exercised. And now, I’m just getting frustrated with myself about the choices I’ve made.

Tonight, I will most likely have stayed the same. At least, I hope I didn’t gain.

And I know that whole lecture last week about how the people that are the “go getters” that do everything so strict and gung ho every second from the beginning will be more successful quicker than some others who stray from the path on occasion. But so long as you end up back on the path and keep chugging away, you will meet your goal too!

It just may not be as quickly as some others.

I am getting tired of my side-track-i-ness and need to stop making excuses. I want to lost another 30 lbs and I need to stop futzing around.

I will go tonight and accept the consequences, but for the love of God, I need to get my ass in gear and start being more serious again.

it’s funny… August 16, 2007

how weeks where I don’t go to meetings and have a day or two of total non-WW tracking, that I don’t lose weight.

 I’m still here. I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth.

I went to a meeting last night - the first meeting I feel like I’ve really been to in forever.

I did lose weight in the last week = .2 lbs. I guess I shouldn’t be disappointed.

This weekend, at PS’s house, I basically said Fuck IT! and had steak, kielbasa, the best chocolate chip cookies ever, etc. I knew I was being very, very bad and I was willing to accept the consequences.

 So here we are! Accepting the consequences.

I’ve been doing this for over 12 weeks and I’ve lost 16.4 lbs. Well, I lost 17.4 and gained 1 lb back.  It’s definitely great that I’ve lost 16.4 lbs, but I was hoping to be down 25 by now.

Last night we talked about the value of meetings, and I totally think going to them makes a big difference to me.

Why?

1. It gives me boundaries. Before WW, if I had a “bad night” and had a burger and nachos, I then had that “oh well, I’m off my diet. Might as well keep being bad FOREVER” type mentality. Having weekly meetings gives me a clean slate to start over again.

2. Motivation. If I just weigh in, all I have to think about is what I lost or gained. Staying for the meetings, it makes me leave there feeling like “I can do this this week!”

3. Motivation from others. Listening to everyone else’s ideas, weight losses or even weight gains make me feel better and supported.

It’s funny because I was so against doing WW and tracking points and going to meetings and clapping for people. Yet, here I am, knowing that what doesn’t work for me is missing meetings and having blow off days here and there!

So, I need to stick to what does work.

And, for the love of God, I need to start exercising my lazy ass!

a GAIN! August 9, 2007

I went to get weighed in last night but didn’t stay for the meeting since we were having company.

I reminded myself how incredibly bad I was with food on vacation, that it’s been 3 weeks since my last weigh in and I shouldn’t be upset with the result, how I have not worked out at all and how I was at my absolutely bloatiest day of the month.

I still didn’t want to hear that I GAINED weight!

+1.2 lbs. So, I’ve only lost 16.2 overall.

Sigh.

At least I feel better in knowing that I wasn’t trying to lose weight during the last 3 weeks only to gain it. I just hate taking steps backwards.

Onward.

I want to lose at least another 25-30 lbs. I am staying focused here.

Back to the strict WW again. Here we go.

a decidedly bad week or two August 2, 2007

With my birthday and 2 work parties and our trip to Provincetown, I made a decision to enjoy myself and not turn much down in the way of food for about 10 days.

I know it’s not the “Weight Watchers” way to do that, but I knew that I would go back on and be a really good girl when I returned from vacation, and I’m back to writing everything down.

I missed 2 meetings (7/25 and 8/1) and will be back at the 8/8 meeting facing the scale.

I don’t regret anything. Really, I don’t. I know I could have made more limited decisions, but I didn’t want to.

I looked at the pictures from our trip and it really hit me again that no matter the progress I have made, I still have a ways to go before I think I can feel accomplished in this weight loss journey.

So, I think I gained 2 lbs in the last 2 weeks. I don’t consider my scale at home to be a basis for anything, I’ll wait until I get the official reading from the WW scale next week.

In the meantime, it’s back to the grind. I’m thinking we have about 32 lbs more to go. Probably about 5 shy of my 10%.

WW vacation July 11, 2007

I’ve been on a weight loss vacation of sorts. I’ve made conscious decisions to eat certain things at BBQs and such fully aware of the consequences. Dammit.

So, tonight, I will return to my regularly scheduled WW meeting after missing a week and I will grin and bear what ever the results is.

I’ve haven’t even written down more than a day or two in the last 2 weeks! That’s horrible!

I had hoped to lose my 10% by my birthday (10 days away) and it’s sunk in that my choices have prevented me from reaching such a ridiculous goal. But, it’s time to pick my ass up again.

so mad June 18, 2007

I’m so mad at myself for being bad this weekend.

Ugh.

Not another weigh-in until Thursday of this week. I better be REALLY good until then.